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 Student Art 1 How does a mind grow?
How does a person become a person?
Sometimes the best measures are collages, as thoughts take shape before our eyes. In no particular order, then, here are some things we’ve seen and heard in this, the first month of our twelfth year at Fairhaven School :
The twelve-foot swings arc all day. So does the forest tire swing.
Staff and students debate and modify a complicated policy about attendance sign-out. New voices emerge at School Meeting.
Board games proliferate.
Macbeth is cast for a Halloween production of the creepy “Scottish play.” Rehearsals take place on the covered porch under the watchful eyes of the director. Leaves turn as cast members hone their fight scenes.
Oak trees drop more acorns than any year in recent memory, many thunking on the metal roofs.
JC sentences a student to remove acorns from the driveway circle flower bed.
The Pr Committee launches a new website and tables at two festivals.
Half the school field trips down Route 301 to the corn maze and pumpkin patch.
A student crafts cute yarn critters for her new friends in the Lyons Den (the Art Room.)
New students discover the perimeters of behavior by way of JC and School Meeting. Peers weigh in on every judicial decision.
Many classes start; some continue.
Day after day, dozens try to capture the flag on the field.
Computers, computers, computers.
Students play “Hunters and Prey” in the woods.
Some of us follow the strange saga of “Balloon Boy” live on a computer, horrified when the homemade helium craft crashes, relieved the next day when it turns out he is alive and well at home.
School Meeting elects JC Clerks and alternates. The wheels of school justice turn and turn.
Corporations elect their executives as well. These students run the meetings that will manage the computers, the art supplies, the Macbeth production, the kitchen, the shop, and other aspects of the daily life of the school.
Alumni visit, checking in about their lives after Fairhaven while reliving the singular experience of being here.
Conversations outnumber even the acorns.
A new young boy trots by and says to his pal, “You’re a bad dog, and I’m a bad dog.”
Still running, his fellow canine says, “No, I’m a good dog.”
Dog boy 1 regresses, saying only, “Woof.”
And so it goes!
Mark McCaig
October, 2009
by Gene E. Gary-Williams, Ph.D.
I freely admit that my first encounter with Fairhaven came as a result of panic and prayer. My grandson, who was 8 years old at the time, had provided early and consistent indication that traditional schooling was not for him. Further, it appeared that if the adults in his life insisted on pursuing this line then we all were in for a rocky and rough path with uncertain and maybe disastrous results. He had been exposed to Montessori, traditional private schooling and home schooling – nothing worked in the manner to which most of us is accustomed. Making all of this the more frustrating was the observation that he is incredibly bright, intellectually gifted and possessing a phenomenal memory.
One day in the spring of 2005, I came across an article in The Washington Post that appeared above the fold, on the right hand side of the A section – hard to miss and strategically placed. Upon completing the article, I gave it to my daughter to read and stated that we needed to find Fairhaven, that very day!! We all got dressed for a visit – my daughter, my grandson, his twin sister, and I. We were greatly surprised and pleased to find that the school was about 15 minutes from our home!!! Upon being graciously received for our impromptu visit, taken on a tour and given a brief overview of the school, we were scheduled for an official visit. In the meantime, my grandson had declared, from this brief encounter, that this was a school that he liked; instant identification with the environment.
The long and short is that after the official visit, he spent a week to get the feel of the place and my daughter enrolled him for the upcoming school year.
He will begin his fourth year in this academic year, 2009-2010. In the meantime his sister who is a completely different learner joined him last academic year and she has positively thrived – much to my surprise.
So, why am I surprised? To begin, I am a traditional academic, having taught in higher education environments and served as an administrator in these same areas. My orientation is in traditional schooling, where I excelled as a learner. As an academic I have an awareness of non-traditional modes of educating, but had never explored these before some cursory looks at Montessori. NOTE: When attempting to introduce other traditionalists to the Sudbury concept, I frequently refer to Sudbury as Montessori Very Lite!!
I was not sold on Sudbury in the beginning, I just knew that for the mental health of the family, it was at least a respite; maybe until we could figure something else out OR find some other, more familiar, form of educating that may answer my grandson’s needs.
At this juncture, I have a number of observations that have contributed to my continuing conversion and that have affirmed the importance of the Sudbury education model. First, listening to NPR WAMU 88.5 one day, after my grandson’s enrollment, I heard an interview with a young woman who had received a non-traditional education (not Sudbury, but home schooling to meet her needs) and who has written a book entitled Quirky Kids. She identified and interviewed young people who were educated apart from the traditional methods and wrote about their journeys. During the call-in, a parent from Florida described the hell that her family had encounter with her then 13 year old son and the finding of a school that assisted him in responding to his learning needs. As she talked, I realized that she was describing a Sudbury school and her story of her son’s development was a breakthrough moment of hope for me.
Since that time I have had moments of panic – most often when I discover that the kids do not know or understand some principle of Arithmetic/Math or some basic English language principle or how to spell a word that should be a part of their total vocabulary. The traditionalist in me takes over and I want to supplement Fairhaven with my version of ‘this is what you should know at this stage of intellectual development’. Admittedly there have been times when we have defied the advice of the staff and offered some worksheets, etc.; it only lasts for the moment and we are back to where we were. I have found that correcting English at the time is a positive way of teaching, as both children tend to remember the corrections. Math is another whole ball game and I await the awakening that I have been told will happen and the subsequent push to make up for lost time or just to learn basic facts in order to move forward to another learning experience.
Finally, I am amazed at what each of the children, especially ‘the boy’ with his remarkable memory, do know. How and where they have learned some things will probably always remain a mystery. Basically, they know what is of interest to them. This offers a personal platform for learning other things, a concept that I can oftentimes forget in the emotion of learning to accept and believe in Sudbury methodology.
Finally, when I discuss this with different people, I frequently hear that the person wishes s/he may have had this type opportunity during their developmental phase as they still have a bad taste from traditional education or they feel this type experience would have enhanced their later choices. And everyone seems to know someone who was/is ideal Sudbury method material.
As an academician I have a great desire to verify what I observe with an evidence base. I have read the studies conducted about Sudbury graduates and appreciate these. However, my grandchildren are of a generation/group of children who have spent little or no time in the traditional learning environment. I await the evidence that they, too, can develop and present a thesis paper indicating an acceptable level of mastery of the language, including writing and thinking. I look forward to Mark McCaig’s next book!!!!!
Conversion continues. I am closer today than I was three years ago and hopefully not as close as I will be in the coming years.
FairHaven is an ideal choice for the name of this school – a wonderful respite and personal developer – which, regrettably, does not happen often enough in the ‘regular’ education environment.
Gene Gary-Williams, Ph.D. is a grandmother and former health care professional and academician. She is retired and volunteers with a number of organizations, including AARP.
When Congressman Wilson of South Carolina shouted “You lie” during President Obama’s speech the other night, it became yet another example of the coarsening of the political dialogue in the nation. What’s become of civility?
Picture, if you will, a different meeting that also convened this week, not far down the road from the chamber where Wilson achieved his You Tube infamy. We held the first School Meeting of the school year at Fairhaven, called to order by a brand new School Meeting Chair at one o’clock Wednesday afternoon in our spacious Chesapeake Room. Ninety minutes of orderly business ensued, including electing new Judicial Committee Clerks (congratulations Sarah and Rebecca) and three alternate clerks, tabling a motion to charter a Board Game Corporation, and deciding to extend the facility use agreement with the startup church that rents space from us Sunday mornings.
In each discussion, no one tried to “spin” any of the facts. Although we voting members sometimes disagree, we share a genuine desire to come to the best decision for the individuals and the school. A shouted accusation of “you lie” would sound out of place at School Meeting, and would not be tolerated. Of course we disagree, and we try to advocate our positions. Yet the over-riding concern of discovering what’s best is constant.
The meeting was humorous at times, but never crude. The new Chair and Secretary ran the meeting with skill and fairness. No one violated our rules of decorum. We discussed issues, and then we voted. At the adjournment, we folded up our chairs and went on with our days, one meeting further into developing a culture of dignity, equality and civility. These are the things we value, and our students embody them. Despite the remarkable reality that a dozen or so students and six adults voted on all the business of the school Wednesday (and will do so for the next forty or so Wednesdays, on hundreds of issues, some minor and some quite major), it was so respectful that the event could almost be described as boring. (In fact, many students and some staff describe it as just so.)
So here’s to civility and tedium, hallmarks of a democratic culture of honest dealing and, above all, respect.
Mark McCaig
September, 2009
Welcome back to Fairhaven!
As we begin our twelfth year, we give thanks for the opportunity to provide young people a unique educational environment, a place where freedom meets responsibility. Sometimes we marvel at the contrast between the light-filled experience of starting the school year at Fairhaven as compared to starting at a traditional school.
In the following poem, Ron Koertge of California captures this contrast.
First Grade
Until then, every forest
had wolves in it, we thought
it would be fun to wear snowshoes
all the time, and we could talk to water.
So who is this woman with the gray
breath calling out names and pointing
to the little desks we will occupy
for the rest of our lives?
Here’s to a marvelous 2009-2010 school year!
Mark McCaig
Fairhaven School staff
(Poem used with the author’s permission. Ron Koertge’s latest book of poems is FEVER (Red Hen Press). He is also the author of numerous children’s books.)
 Bell Tower in the Fall After sixteen years at Evergreen Sudbury School in Maine and Fairhaven School in Maryland, I retired in June. It was time to go and I have exciting plans, but leaving was hard. (And I hope to be back now and then as a sub.) I was tempted to write a thesis about how school has allowed me to prepare myself to become an effective adult, but at 65, if I’m not effective already, the chances of my making it are slim. I do know, however, that being a staff member has enriched my life beyond measure, and has made me a better and more useful person.
Getting to know and work with people like Danny, Hanna, Mimsy, and the bright, dedicated, funny staff at all the Sudbury schools, has stretched my mind and warmed my heart. The parents of our students are courageous, intelligent, and just basically outstanding, and then there are the kids—killer funny, outrageously smart, and adorable. Being surrounded by people who are dedicated to the idea that children are equally deserving of respect and freedom has been deeply satisfying, and a true learning experience.
So what have I learned at Evergreen and Fairhaven? For starters, I’ve learned that jumping enthusiastically into new projects without a lot of thought can have surprising life repercussions. I thought I could run a business and start a school on the side. That was sixteen years, a closed business, two schools, a major move, and two children graduating ago. I see jumping first/looking second as both a failure of imagination and a habit I acquired in conventional schools of always feeling rushed. Students at Sudbury schools have the time to develop their imaginations and to think things through. Because some of this has rubbed off on me, I jump into things more judiciously nowadays. But I’m everlastingly grateful for that Evergreen jump.
I’ve also learned some much-needed good habits. I pick up after myself, for example, before I move on to a new project. I learned this important lesson in my 40s at Evergreen, unlike our students, who learn it while still young. I became a professional organizer on the side five years ago because the process and aesthetics of being organized grew to interest me. Students, even the ones labeled ADD or ADHD learn (some immediately, some eventually) to use the systems set up in the art room and elsewhere, putting supplies back in their places, knowing that everything has a place. One of the pleasures of being a staff member has been the opportunity to see kids become competent, responsible members of the community.
I’ve learned that our view of our own kids isn’t the only view there is. We all think our kids are special and brilliant and couldn’t possibly do the bone-headed things other kids do. As a staff member with two kids at school, I was able to see that my kids—although, of course, brilliant and special—were among peers who were equally brilliant and special, and that my kids were just as capable of spinning tales at the dinner table about why they’d been hauled into JC through no fault of their own. And yes, even brilliant, special kids can do bone-headed things.
Working at a Sudbury school has taught me the benefits of a balanced life. As a student I was always studying; as a parent of babies, always changing diapers and playing baby games; as a graphic designer always hunched over my light table and then my computer. As a staff member I was a conversationalist, mentor, librarian, administrator, School Meeting member. And I had to remember to eat lunch. In fact, I had to remember to sit down and take a break, to jump up and bandage a knee, to play a game, to go see the skinks by the stream with enthusiastic six-year-olds. To do, in other words, what all students at Sudbury schools learn to do: create a life balancing work and play, solitude and community. Parents of gamers or bookworms or social butterflies often think that their kids do nothing all day every day but pursue their particular passion. They don’t. Readers read a lot at school, but they also, like the talkers and gamers, play outside, serve on JC, and talk endlessly with others. Shy kids learn to open up, extroverts learn to be quiet in the Quiet Room. And they all have to figure out, as do staff, how to balance their lives.
Being both a parent and a staff member has taught me that children are exquisitely attuned and vulnerable to parental feelings. Over the years I’ve made many mistakes as a parent, and even though my kids are grown, I’m sure they’d be happy to say that I’m making new ones all the time. I’ve toughened up, though. My stance now is that mistakes are inevitable, and it’s best to just be forgiving. One particular mistake, however, is important to try to avoid. As staff members, we see, over and over again, that the hardest hurdle for students are parents who show a lack of faith in the child and/or the school. Kids can deal with parents who get cranky, who forget to pick them up on time, who wring their hands about too much sugar. They can even deal with divorces and illnesses and money worries. What demoralizes them to the point of not being able to succeed at school is when their parents clearly lack faith in them or the school, and threaten them with being pulled out if they don’t do whatever academic thing the parent has decided is important. “Yes, you can be there, but you’re never going to succeed if you don’t [pick one] learn to read this year/learn math/focus on science.” Even subtle worrying can sap children’s morale. Will our students end up following a path their parents are comfortable with? Maybe, maybe not, but it will be a path they want to be on, a path they will follow with confidence—if they’ve had the whole-hearted support of their parents. As a parent I still worry about my children, but I think the routine expression of confidence and faith in them is absolutely critical.
Being at Sudbury schools has taught me patience, a virtue that has never come naturally. Watching many kids grow up over the years allows staff to take the long view. Kids can “waste” days, weeks, months of their lives playing computer games or collecting sticks in the woods, or sitting on the counters in the kitchen talking, and somehow grow into themselves—unique, irreplaceable, with all the survival skills they need to be effective adults. Growing up well isn’t testable. All the little epiphanies people aren’t even conscious of themselves, all the bits of information that add up to a whole, all the small decisions that add up to the development of a fine person—all of them are rarely visible from the outside. It’s hard to take the long view when it’s your own child and your friends are asking what her grade point average is. It’s much easier to take the long view as a staff member, who can see all the stages of growth all around us. One of the jobs of staff is to share our confidence that all will be well. Patience. Patience. Patience.
My years at Evergreen and Fairhaven deepened my respect for children. Parents are so busy taking care of their children (and worrying), that the luxury of just spending time with them as equals seldom happens. Being a staff member at Sudbury schools taught me, on a daily basis, how intelligent and interesting kids are, and how much they have to contribute. A five-year-old showed me how to peel the back off labeler tape, a trick I hadn’t figured out in years of use. A nine-year-old made a point in School Meeting that made me change my position on an important issue. A twelve-year-old shared facts about nature I had never learned in 20 years of schooling. A thirteen-year-old took photographs the equal of any professional’s. A fourteen-year-old made a witty remark that cracked me up. A sixteen-year-old had insight into another student that amazed me, and a seventeen-year-old dealt with family tragedy with a courage and resilience I tried to emulate when my mother died. Every day I shared my knowledge and experience, and every day students shared right back—their poetry, art, passion, humor, intelligence. The enormous resource we have in children is unseen in the larger culture. Only at Sudbury schools, and in some families, are young people treated with the respect all human beings deserve.
Watching students arrive, grow up, graduate, and leave, and watching other students arrive to take their places has taught me that no one can ever replace Thor or Alison or Jen or Eric or Marlee or Max or all the others, each one unique and fascinating. But it’s also taught me not to wallow in nostalgia, and to look ahead as students do each day, to a new and exciting future. Students and staff come and go, but what each of us contributes to the school stays, and makes it richer in tradition and experience each year. I’m so glad I’ve been able to be part of this best of all possible educations, the Sudbury schools experience.
— Lisa Lyons, August, 2009
I recently spent an hour explaining the Fairhaven/Sudbury model to a relative and friend, whose brilliant, unusual son is dealing with a public school system that expects normalcy, appropriateness, passivity, and neutrality from its students.
I was reminded of how important it is (and sent him links to Danny Mydlack’s so-cool documentary)* that we have some other options, other models, other modalities of “education.” So glad — so very glad — that there are other options demonstrated, even celebrated, within Fairhaven.
A while ago I had a different conversation with a father of a Fairhaven student, who literally feared he was truly ruining his son’s life forever, by allowing him to attend Fairhaven. Most importantly, I told him that I had likewise been fearful throughout those five years at Fairhaven, fearful that I was taking a risk with my son’s life and future. Then I told him flat-out that I had been wrong –that my son, who had spent five years “doing nothing” at Fairhaven, had just graduated from college with a 3.51 GPA, and was unquestionably a stronger, happier human being because of his five years of freedom, unimpeded curiosity, and direct, responsible democracy.
I wasn’t as eloquent with him, of course, but he did seem a little less fearful after hearing a happy-ending story. Parents will always be fearful of making a mistake that ruins their children’s lives. I sure was, though I feared it less and less as my own “unusual son” blossomed over those five years.
It’s important, what Fairhaven has done, and continues to do. Staff and students: I want to pass on my appreciation of what you guys are doing, and how important the work you are doing is, to those who must confront stupid educational models, educational structures, educational missions. Thanks, guys!
Michael Jensen
Parent of Alumni
Fairhaven School, Inc. Board of Trustees member
* http://www.newamericanschoolhouse.com/
I can’t begin to express what Fairhaven has meant to our family and to Robbie’s success in finding out who he is and how he wants to interact with the world. As you may know, he was a defiant, rebellious, unmotivated youth when he came to you. He is now a more level-headed young man with direction, self esteem, motivation and a sense of ethics that we were not sure would surface. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Fairhaven offered him the freedom of choice to learn about himself and to find out what works and doesn’t work in a community. He had the opportunity and appropriate interactions to develop his fun-loving character, which had been buried by the pressures of performance in the public schools. I love the fact that he is interested in studying law because of his experiences with JC. I have told him for years that he would be a great lawyer because of his ability to debate and argue. He has learned that he has a very developed sense of justice and equity (not always mainstream) and that arguing does not have to have a negative connotation. I loved what he said at the February Graduation Intent meeting about learning that there are lots of disagreements that are not worth the fight. He never would have walked away before. I also loved that he said he learned a lesson from each of his many JC referrals and from mentoring his younger peer. As a long-time public school teacher, it has been a challenge for me to let Robbie choose not to pursue any academics at Fairhaven. I do believe that he is and has always been intelligent enough to learn those academic lessons when the time is right for him. Obviously, his time at Fairhaven has been spent wisely learning much more important life lessons. Fairhaven has indeed provided a fair haven for Robbie to become himself. We are truly grateful.
Lori Kronser
(Fairhaven School has just graduated seven students. As a way to celebrate the class of 2009, over the next month, we will be posting the theses that they successfully defended. Below is a brief description outlining how somebody earns a Fairhaven diploma, followed by the seventh and final thesis. Enjoy!
Students who have spent at least three years at Fairhaven School may earn a diploma by defending the thesis that they have prepared themselves to become effective adults in the larger community. Diploma candidates must declare their intent to graduate and answer questions at a special winter Assembly of parents, students, staff and public members. They also meet with their individual graduation committees, and defend their written theses before a Diploma Committee made up of three experienced staff members from other Sudbury schools. A majority of positive votes from the Committee is the final requirement of the diploma process.)
My Building Blocks for Life
My name is David Shigeru Yamamoto Hepner.
I think an effective adult is someone who can make it on their own outside of school without the help of someone else. I have been attending Fairhaven for three years now; I decided to go to Fairhaven School because I don’t do well in the traditional school system. I feel I am an effective adult because I have all the tools and experiences I need to keep moving forward in my life.
I was about eight years old when I went to be tested for ADHD and Dyslexia. Over time, I have learned to not let them slow me down. I have found ways to have fun in school and life. I have found things that I like doing to make learning easier for me. I learn better when using subjects that I like such as sciences and history. I also am a kinesthetic learner and if I can do hands on work I will be really involved.
I wasn’t a very social kid in 9th grade I didn’t have the time. I was spending all of my free time on my school work and then some, so when I got here it allowed me to be who I am. I like to meet new people and converse and learn new things. It is interesting to hear about their lives, what they were like when they were my age, the different kinds of jobs they had, also the places they have been and the experiences they had there. these talks help me know find what I want to be and what I want to do in my life.
I have had a job for two years now; I work at a retirement community called Glen Meadows. I was hired as a server, but I do lots of things there, such as dishwashing and helping in the kitchen. It’s really nice because I really like to cook and being around real cooks is fun and educational. I can ask questions and learn about it and how to cook on my own. I work Monday, Friday, Saturday, and Sundays, and I try to pick up shifts whenever I can. Each shift is about three to four hours. With the money I make I pay for my food and my own gas. I also pay for my insurance and maintenance for my car.
The first two years I went to Fairhaven I lived with my aunt Ruthy, because I live so far from school. This year I have had my license and drive back and forth from Baltimore. I drive about 60 miles to school and about 60 miles back home on Thursdays. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays I stay with my fellow student Zack Bennett. The time and effort I take shows the responsibility I have and the dedication I have to the school.
Now, I know you have my JC record. I know it’s really crazy, but every mistake, I have made I learned from. When I was written up for smashing a can of Axe I didn’t think it was dangerous at all. Now I look back and see it could have really hurt someone. When I didn’t put up the M sign on the door when I was playing an M rated game, some little kid like Sasha could have walked in and seen the game we were playing. As I have gotten to know Sasha and Wes I have realized I want to be a good role model so they can grow up to be good people. I was also written up for signing out on a food run to go get Zack Bennett when I only had my provisional license. I think being written up has helped me realize that I am responsible for my actions. Now when I think “hey lets go do something dumb”, in my head I say “wait you have little kids that look up to you”. Do I want them to think what I am doing is ok, and for them to go do it too?
Next year I want to go to Essex Community College. I know it’s that other little push I need to keep my self going and growing up and become a better person. I plan on attending for two years and getting the basic courses out of the way. I think it will help me find what I want to do in my life. Right now I feel interest in culinary, medicine, biology and mechanical engineering. After the two years I want to test out to the college that has the major that I want. Through this time I will continue to work and support myself.
I think I have already started to become a better person while at Fairhaven. I want to continue moving forwards in my life toward my goals of living on my own and working my way through school.
David Hepner
(Fairhaven School has just graduated seven students. As a way to celebrate the class of 2009, over the next month, we will be posting the theses that they successfully defended. Below is a brief description outlining how somebody earns a Fairhaven diploma, followed by the sixth thesis. Enjoy!
Students who have spent at least three years at Fairhaven School may earn a diploma by defending the thesis that they have prepared themselves to become effective adults in the larger community. Diploma candidates must declare their intent to graduate and answer questions at a special winter Assembly of parents, students, staff and public members. They also meet with their individual graduation committees, and defend their written theses before a Diploma Committee made up of three experienced staff members from other Sudbury schools. A majority of positive votes from the Committee is the final requirement of the diploma process.)
Making My Mark
by Zoë Woodbridge
“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I believe that all effective adult make their own marks, whether it is in their own community or in the world. This is how I have made mine.
There are many qualities that I think every effective adult should have. I am only going to describe the ones I believe are most important and ones that I possess. The first is the ability to provide for oneself by having a job or career with a steady income and the ability to manage that income. Effective adults should also have the ability to express their opinions. This goes along with the third quality that these adults should possess, which is being able to communicate with and contribute to the larger community. Lastly, but certainly not least, I believe that all effective adults should be able to find happiness and know what it means to be happy. I will describe in detail all of these qualities and abilities and how I, as an effective adult, embody them.
The first quality of being an effective adult is being able to provide for oneself by having a steady income. I think all effective adults should have a job or have had one in the past. By doing this, one is able to provide for him or herself. By having a job, one makes money, which is used to provide shelter, food, clothing and other necessities. Without a job, I do not think one can even begin to think about being effective in the larger community.
I have been babysitting since I was thirteen. When I first began this endeavor, I only made about $5 an hour. As I started to baby-sit more often, families got to know me better and tell their friends about me. I baby-sit for a lot of families at my church. Just this past year, I started babysitting a 2-year-old girl every Thursday and sometimes on weekends. I am responsible for feeding and entertaining her, giving her a bath, and putting her to sleep. This is a lot of responsibility for a teenager. It makes me realize how difficult raising a child is. I sometimes find myself being worn out after just two hours. It makes me glad that I am waiting a while to have kids of my own.
Another job that I currently have, which I started this year, is office assistant at school. I really enjoy it. I mostly answer phones and do other administrative work. One huge task I have had is updating the school’s Management Manual, which is probably more than 200 pages worth of information on running the school. This is an incredibly significant task that I will probably be working on for the rest of the year. Having a job also relates to how effective adults, like me, spend and save their money. Since I started working in the office, I have put almost every paycheck I get into my savings account. I also have money from babysitting and money that I received for gifts in this account. I plan to use this money for college expenses such as books or a laptop. Speaking of money, this past year when I turned 18, I decided to open a checking account. I put some of my salary into this so that I can pay for everyday things such as gas and food. With this account, I can write checks and have my own check card. It works like a debit card, not a credit card, something I hope never to have. But even without credit cards, one can still run into money problems. I was once buying groceries and thought I had more money in my account than I actually did. A week later I got a letter from the bank stating that I had spent more money than I had. They were also nice enough to tell me that I owed them a $35 fee. Making mistakes like this urges me to pay better attention to what I buy and how much I spend my money. I hate to have just talked about money as much as I did. Sometimes I wish that the world was still a place where people traded, not bought and sold things. But I believe that handling money responsibly is part of being an effective adult, so I have learned how to do so.
Though I already have a job, I realize that I will probably not be a babysitter or an office assistant forever. My dream is to be a published poet. I know this will take a while, so I have also thought of being a teacher, psychiatrist or newspaper writer. I know that in order to make the money that I need by working any of these jobs, I need to go to college. This past semester, I applied to six colleges: Drexel University, Brown University, Washington College, Hollins University, St. Mary’s College of Maryland and Guilford College. I think of going to college as making an investment in my education and career, whatever it is I decide to pursue.
The second quality which I think everyone, but especially effective adults, should possess, is being able to express their opinions. Many effective adults that I look up to, such as my parents, embody this quality. They have always been honest with me, even when I was young. When I make a decision that they are not pleased with, they let me know. They are not mean about it, but they do tell me exactly how they feel. They always taught me to say when I thought something was not right, or if I or someone else was being treated wrong. Most of what I know about voicing my opinion I learned from them.
Another place where I have learned to speak up is at Fairhaven. In JC, whenever I feel that a charge or sentence isn’t fair, I let people know. When I first came to Fairhaven, I was a bit soft spoken and still am in some ways. It took me a while to learn how to comfortably voice my opinion, after years of being told to shut up in public school, even when I was not talking. I also get to voice my opinion in School Meeting (SM). I did this more my first and second year. This entire school year, I have been SM Chair. It can be a really tough job that requires a lot of patience and often consists of a lot more listening than talking. Though listening is a good quality to have, I feel like I already have it. I need a bit more practice with voicing my opinion. However, I do try to tell people when I disagree with a motion. Mostly, I agree with the rules and regulations that we as a SM pass. I also get a chance to speak up when someone is out of order or not speaking on the current motion. This was really difficult for me at first because I hate interrupting people! Even though I have a ways to go with my ability to convey my feelings and opinions to people, I think being in a democratic environment has definitely helped me in the process. Having this quality certainly helped me when I was applying to colleges. I was required to write admissions essays for each one to which I applied. In each of these six essays, I had to be very clear about my opinions of myself, of learning, and many other topics. I also had to voice my thought clearly during my interviews with each of the colleges to which I applied. The interviewer would ask me very specific questions which I had to answer articulately. I would say I did fairly well, considering I was accepted to my top three college choices. I like to think that my acceptance is partly because of this quality that I possess.
As a third quality, I believe effective adults should communicate with and contribute to the larger community. I am currently a part of two communities. As I previously mentioned, I have been and am currently SM Chair. This is my 5th term. When I was first SM Chair, the terms were six weeks long. Now they are half of the school year, or one semester. I have also been Judicial Committee (JC) Clerk and Alternate twice. I love being part of a democratic system. When I realize that something is unfair, I am allowed to speak up about it. My voice can change things. As a student, that means a lot to me.
In school, I am also an active member of Music Corp, Kitchen Corp, and Theatre Corp. This is my second year being secretary of Music Corp; my first year I was executive director. I always help out with our coffee houses, dances, and other fundraisers. We have been trying to get a music building built so that students can play loud music whenever they want. I have been pretty involved with the planning and fundraising that goes along with that. As for Kitchen Corp, this is only my second year being on it. I am involved with cooking projects and fundraisers. We recently held a Parent Appreciation Night which included a lot of cooking, almost three hours. I helped with the preparation and baking. Everyone seemed to love the food. It felt good to have our work be appreciated. With Theatre Corp, I am also the secretary. I attend all the meetings and take notes. I have also been involved with all of the plays since I started attending Fairhaven. I was Mrs. Wayne in The Rise of the Dark Knight, the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, Wendy in Peter Pan, and most recently Meg in Mr. Winkler’s Birthday Party. I love being involved with the plays, not just acting but set production and costumes as well. My time with all of these corporations is always well spent. I feel that I am adding something to them and to the school. Not only time, but energy and ideas as well. I look forward to seeing what these corporations look like in a few years, as they are very special to me.
Besides Fairhaven, another community that I contribute to is my church, St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church in College Park. I have been attending this church since I was about four years old. It is a significant part of my life. I have made precious friendships there. I am very involved in my church’s youth group, which meets every Sunday before church. Attendance requires waking up at 9:00 on a Sunday morning, which is really hard for a teenager! I try to get there as much as my sleep-deprived body allows me. We participate in a lot of service projects whether it is the 30- Hour Famine, where we raise money for third world countries and then fast for 30 hours, or making lunch for the homeless in the church’s kitchen. As well as being in youth group, I also participate in the actual church services. I am an usher, a person who welcomes everyone when they come to church. I’m also an acolyte which means I am in contact with the priest and I carry torches, crosses, etc. Being a part of a church family is very special to me. I love contributing to St. Andrew’s in as many ways as I can. I only hope to have a community like it and like Fairhaven in my life ten years from now.
The last but, in my opinion, most important quality that an effective adult should have is the ability to find ways to be happy. Now, of course, no one is happy all the time. And the people who act like they are probably fake it and are a little scary. But I think when one has all the aforementioned qualities, one can be genuinely happy with good reason. An effective adult can also be happy when he/she has things that they love doing. I myself have many hobbies and activities that I enjoy. Writing is the most important to me. I also love singing, dancing, acting, painting, and spending time with friends. When I am not happy, I know that I have to do one of these things to cheer myself up. There were definitely times, mostly in my pre-teen years, when I did not know how to do this. I would sit in my room alone, maybe reading or sleeping. I was not being very effective or happy. I finally realized that I had to get up and do something. Though I still sometimes go back to that place of being sad, I know how to get out of it, which is the most important thing.
As of right now, I consider myself to be happy. I am going to Washington College next year to continue my education. My plan is to major in English and minor in creative writing, since I want to pursue it as a career. I know how to take care of money, I can convey my opinions, and I am part of and contribute to more than one community. All of these abilities are ones that an effective adult cannot live without. They provide one with the basics to live independently and contentedly. These abilities also allow one to feel that they have a place and purpose in life. I believe that I am already an effective adult and will continue to be one when I leave Fairhaven. I have cherished my time here and enjoyed the help that it gave me to become an effective adult, though I was already on my way to becoming one. All that I can hope is that I make some sort of impact on the world during my time here, even if it’s just a footprint.
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a road and I –
I took the one less traveled by
And that had made all the difference.”
~from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
(Fairhaven School has just graduated seven students. As a way to celebrate the class of 2009, over the next month, we will be posting the theses that they successfully defended. Below is a brief description outlining how somebody earns a Fairhaven diploma, followed by the fifth thesis. Enjoy!
Students who have spent at least three years at Fairhaven School may earn a diploma by defending the thesis that they have prepared themselves to become effective adults in the larger community. Diploma candidates must declare their intent to graduate and answer questions at a special winter Assembly of parents, students, staff and public members. They also meet with their individual graduation committees, and defend their written theses before a Diploma Committee made up of three experienced staff members from other Sudbury schools. A majority of positive votes from the Committee is the final requirement of the diploma process.)
The Paths of Explorations Leading, Shall Lead By, Richard Thomas “Max” Muffler
My idea of an effective adult is one who can provide for oneself without losing sight of what makes one happy. An effective adult will also give back to the larger community through their ideas and abilities. I believe that a person spends most, if not all, of their life trying to arrive at such a point.
Before I enrolled at Fairhaven, I attended a public middle school. I could not focus on my studies, for I was really displeased with my personal life outside of school. The chaotic environment created by so many of my peers in one room was distracting. The teachers would not assist me, so I just gave up on my responsibilities the school set for me. If I could not grasp the information that was being presented, I could not successfully complete assignments. I got to the point where all I did was question life instead of just living it. So after the 7th grade, I joined the Fairhaven community. When I started at Fairhaven, I had a pretty bad outlook on life, so I tended not to be the easiest or nicest person to interact with. I really had no idea what to expect of a school with no assigned curriculum. My first impression was that I was free from responsibility and I had the ability to do anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. Then it hit me that I could really take advantage of the freedom and focus on my passions. Unlike the structure of my previous schooling, I could go about projects and things at my leisure, making the process more enjoyable with the end result of creating a better product. I found this to guide my way to a clearer and more positive outlook.
I started to play guitar and piano at a young age, but I never really had the time to take either of them seriously. Then I started playing Fairhaven’s piano and bringing in my guitar. At that point, we had a couple of students who were really passionate about music. They helped me understand different aspects of playing guitar, such as picking techniques and chord progressions geared toward specific genres of music. They helped me develop an all around appreciation for music. I also learned to play drums while at Fairhaven, just by listening to my peers play. In public school, I took some clarinet classes and have used these skills to dabble in playing alto sax. I have made music via computer sequencing with the help of either a drum machine or programs such as “FL Studio” and “Logic”. I worked with the recording and editing of sound both in and out of school. Playing music with others has been a big part of my life. It is a challenge to find people that really dedicate themselves to focusing on a project. I played in a couple bands such as a three-piece improvisational group called Motion Motion in which I played guitar, organ and synthesizer. We played a couple of small shows and then disbanded due to different directions within the band. I played electric piano and some synthesizer in another group known as Prehistoric, which is an experimental hip-hop group. I recorded some songs with them and have been in and out of contact. Lately, I have been trying to record with my current band that doesn’t have a name at this point. We are working on a demo and hope to be playing a show before summer.
While at Fairhaven, I have been Music Corp Chair more then once. Among my accomplishments, I identified the need for and assisted in the purchase of a new drum set for the school, which many people now enjoy playing and practicing with. I helped with several events such as coffee houses and the distribution of food to raise money for Music Corp. Perhaps one of the most important projects that I was a part of while in Music Corp. was helping soundproof the music room. This was done in response to complaints about the music being too loud. Now students may go about playing loud music without disturbing others.
After two or three years at Fairhaven, I started to grow an appreciation for art. I have been exposed to it off and on during my childhood since my father is a calligrapher. I gained a lot from talking to and working with Leo Hussey, A former staff member and Peter Carlson, A former student. Working with Leo really helped me get a feel for my approach to sculpting. Art is not quite my forte, but I have such longing to learn and to make it so. When it comes to my sculpting, I usually start with chicken wire or wood. I feel that I can go beyond this and I want to learn how to work with marble, granite, and other heavy-duty materials. I tend to like to work with others more than on my own since it allows me to share ideas and learn how to take constructive criticism. My solitary pursuit tends to be drawing, as my average sculpting pieces are fairly big and often require assistance. I also build things by taking apart various items such as furniture and instruments and combining them. I am looking forward to acquiring more skills to improve my abilities as a sculptor.
I have recently started my term as J.C. Clerk. I have found it to be a very communal experience dealing with both young and older kids, with cases that vary in intensity. J.C. can be very stressful. The whole process of handling case after case has forced me to become a little more patient. I have also made it a point to attend most, if not all, school meetings for I think my vote and word is very beneficial to the community. I have argued for and against many rules and privileges in the time I have been here. My participation helped me to be a more efficient J.C. clerk. I believe if one uses the School Meeting system properly, one can really get what one wants out of this school.
During the winter break of 2007, I went to New Orleans to help aid those who were affected by Hurricane Katrina. I worked with Habitat for Humanity. While there, I stayed with my aunt. In the morning, I would go to the work site, which was a house on a corner near the Musician’s Village. The days were long, but well worth it. By the time I left the project, we had much of the base of the house finished. The work site was not that well organized and a bit chaotic at times, but I enjoyed the opportunity. However, I still felt that there was more that I could have done for the owner of the house as well as others affected by Katrina.
A couple months ago, I acted in a one-act play, directed by Ruth Yamamoto, a current staff member. It was my first time acting and I was a bit nervous about going on stage. It was overall a good experience. The work of memorizing line after line paid off and left me feeling very satisfied about my ability to act. After that, I started writing some plot lines and even part of a screenplay. I, with the help of Ruth, tried to act in and direct “Sleuth”. This is a play about an older man and a younger fellow who play mind games with one another over a woman they both love. Sadly, due to the lack of the right cast, it fell through. I am not discouraged though. I may pick up theater down the road. It was just such an awesome experience sharing the stage and connecting with my character and those of my costars.
I believe my dedication to my studies and participation in the larger community has prepared me to take the next step in becoming an effective adult. I volunteered to bus tables at a Thai restaurant known as Tamarind the summer of 2006. It closed down not too long after. I am in the midst of looking for a job. I am not quite sure what I want to do in the long run, but I plan to attend Anne Arundel Community College in order to improve my academic foundation and to eventually study sculpting and anything else that may catch my interest. Once I have completed my time at Anne Arundel Community College, I plan to transfer to a four-year art school such as the Corcoran or MICA. My overall time at Fairhaven has been pleasant. I will take my experiences here and apply them to something bigger. My life is a work in progress. I find that the more I achieve, the happier I am and the happier I am, the more effective I can be in supporting myself and contributing to society.
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